Tips & What Not to Do
Speech-Writing Tips
Real advice for real speeches — what works, what flops, and how to avoid the classic mistakes.
The Callback Problem
Referencing an earlier speaker's joke feels clever - until nobody remembers which uncle said what. Callbacks only work if you're speaking last and the original…
The Rehearsal Dinner Speech Mistake
The rehearsal dinner isn't a dress rehearsal for tomorrow's big speech. It's a different room, a different moment, and crucially, a different audience - often s…
The Microphone Test Run
Arrive early and do a sound check. Seriously. You'll discover the mic needs adjusting, learn where to stand so you're not drowned out by the DJ's speaker, and r…
The Names You Can't Forget
Fumble the bride's name and you'll be remembered for decades – and not fondly. Write out every name phonetically if there's even a whisper of doubt, especially…
The Inside Joke Dilemma
That hilarious story from Magaluf? If more than a quarter of the room needs a footnote, bin it. Inside jokes make insiders laugh and everyone else check their p…
The Thank-You Trap
Listing everyone you're grateful for sounds generous but plays like the world's dullest Oscar speech. Thank the hosts in one sentence, then move on. Your audien…
The First Sentence Test
Your opening line should make sense to someone who walked in thirty seconds late. No 'as we all know' or 'like I said earlier' - assume someone missed the conte…
The Best Man's Golden Rule
Your job is to make the groom look good, not to roast him into oblivion. One embarrassing story is affection, three is a character assassination. The test: woul…
The Microphone Is Not Your Enemy
If there's a microphone, use it. Yes, even in a small room. Your aunt at the back deserves to hear your brilliant story as clearly as the top table does. Hold i…
The Joke Safety Test
Before including any joke, ask: would I say this to their grandmother? If you hesitate, cut it. Wedding humour works best when it's affectionate, not edgy. A ge…
Write for the Room, Not the Table
Your speech isn't a private chat with the couple - it's theatre for eighty guests who don't know your in-jokes. That hilarious nickname from uni? Meaningless to…
Father of the Bride Speech: One Story Beats Five
Pick ONE story, not a biography. The best father-of-the-bride speeches hang on a single vivid moment - the day she was born, a daft childhood habit, the instant…
What If I Cry During My Wedding Speech?
Pause. Breathe. Don't apologise. A wobble in your voice tells the room this actually means something to you - it's a feature, not a failure. Glance at your note…
How Long Should a Wedding Speech Actually Be?
Five to seven minutes - that's about 750 to 1,000 words at a natural speaking pace. Long enough to tell a proper story, short enough that nobody's eyeing the ba…
Read It Aloud Before the Day
A speech that reads beautifully on paper can still trip you up out loud. Practise it standing up, at real volume, at least twice — once alone and once in front…
Never Open with a Dictionary Definition
"Webster's dictionary defines love as..." — the single most overused opening in speech history. The audience has heard it a hundred times and it tells them noth…
The 3-Story Rule
The best speeches tell three short stories: one about how you met, one that shows their character, and one that lands the emotional punch. Any more and you lose…
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